I had been married for nine years, going on ten when it happened. I had been extremely unhappy for a long time, but really had not shared that with anyone. My friend and I were at a conference for work and we had very spotty signal on our cells. I had a momentary signal and took the opportunity to call my husband and let him know how the day had been. He started in with his yelling at me, berating me for not calling him earlier and accusing me of crazy things.
My friend could hear him and stared at me as he talked to me. When I got off the phone, she said “Misty, that is not ok. The way he was talking to you is emotional abuse, and you don’t have to live like that.” Those two sentences changed my life!
When I went home, I called him out on his abuse. I set boundaries and told him what I would and would not accept. Unfortunately, the abuse got worse after that. It seems setting those boundaries really irritated him and challenged his authority. When no changes had been made after six months of enforcing my boundaries, I decided to leave and start a new life.
Nothing has been the same since. I am now married to an incredible man who loves me intensely. We can have discussions and make decisions together without arguments. And, we have fun!
My experience is similar to many women who are in an abusive relationship, especially when the abuse is not physical. I had no clue my ex was abusive! It took my friend pointing it out to me for me to see it. And, once my eyes were opened, they could not be shut.
Here is my advice for you if you notice a friend is in an abusive relationship.
1. Tell her with compassion, that what she is going through is not normal, and that a relationship does not have to be that way.
2. Help her if she asks, but do not try to convince her to leave.
3. Connect her with local resources that can help her increase her courage to get out.
4. Love her deeply and be patient with her. She has experienced years of manipulation and has probably thought she was the crazy one because of it. So, it may take some time for her to get her head on straight and want to leave.
And if you are in an abusive relationship, I have some advice for you too.
1. Listen to your friends and begin to ask yourself questions. Are you happy? Are you in danger? Are your kids learning how to treat a woman? Or how a woman should be treated in a relationship?
2. If you are ready to leave, make a plan. Gather your most important documents and figure out how you can get out safely and where you will go.
3. Know that life is not meant to be sad and stressful and you deserve to have a happy, healthy life.
I will forever be grateful to my friend for showing me that I was in an abusive relationship, and for causing my divorce. My life has done a complete 180 since I left two years ago. Your life will too. Remember that you only have one life, and you get to choose how you live it. Choose to live in happiness.
In the past few months, I have deeply healed myself from the trauma I held inside me as a result of my abuse. I lacked confidence. I lacked belief in myself. Now with these methods, I feel unstoppable. And, I want to share them with you too so that you can become unstoppable. So that you can be all you were designed, called and gifted to be. So that you can create your impact on the world. If you are ready to heal yourself then click the button below to enroll in Heal.