Updated: May 6, 2020
When you first get married, all you want to do is have sex! Anytime, anywhere, anyway is your philosophy. You are so excited to see your mate anytime you get home. You excitedly wait for them at the door and give them a hug and a kiss. And every night can be date night if you want it to be. As time goes on, though, responsibilities take their toll. You may have kids, or you may just have a very busy job. Your marriage can get pushed to the back burner if you aren’t careful. So how do you keep your partner and sex a priority in your marriage when you have work, kids, volunteer activities, kids activities, and a house to take care of? How do you keep your desire high so that you want to have sex more often? Read on for my 4 tips on how to keep your marriage sexy.
1. Flirting and Sexting
I read an article a while back that said that men want to hear things like “you’re so hot” and “I want you.” And if you think about it, if sex is not top of mind throughout the day, then turning it on when you get into bed can be difficult. You may have to start this slow if you aren’t used to it. Any time I have a thought about my man, I will text him it. Tell him when you have a sexy thought. Tell him what you like about him. Tell him that you can’t wait to get home and get him in your bed. Tell him you like the way he did something the last time you had sex. And, if you are really brave, send him a sexy picture. If you are worried about other people seeing his phone, you can use an app like snapchat to send him pictures. It doesn’t even have to be a nude picture. If you know a feature of your body that he loves, you can send a picture of that, or you can make a sexy face and send a picture of that along with a note.
2. Play With Timing
Sex can become boring if you only do it in one place or one time of the day. I tend to think about it more often in the morning, and coincidentally also have more energy in the morning. So sometimes I wake him up a few minutes early and let him know why! Or, if your kids are older, you can sneak off into the room when they are occupied and sneak a quickie in. You can also meet at home at lunch time for a nooner. If you have a parents night out at your gym or church, you can just go home and play instead of going out for an over priced dinner. If none of those are options because you have kids at home, you can try spicing it up by doing it in different places after the kids are in bed. Maybe take a shower together or go to a different room (as long as you won’t get caught by wandering kids lol.)
3. Be Excited To See Them
When they come home from work, run up to the door and give them a great big hug and a kiss. Pamper them with your attention for a few minutes before you dive into cooking or divulging how irritated you are with the kids. In one of Tony Robbins books, he talks about how he plays a game with his wife when he comes home. She will hide and he will search for her throughout the house. When he finds her, they will kiss like they haven’t seen each other in weeks. Come up with your own version of this that works for you and your partner. You can also do something different every day if you want. Getting out of your routine and showing your partner that you love and care about them when you first see them will really do wonders for your relationship. It’s fun to play with.
If you orgasm more frequently during sex you will want to have sex more often.
4. Commit to Enjoying Sex
As women, we often have 20 different things going through our minds at all times. If we aren’t careful, we will continue this even when we are making love to our partners. I would challenge you to turn off the mind chatter and fully focus on how you feel during the act. This will help you to enjoy it more and to orgasm more frequently. Women also take more stimulation than most men to orgasm. I am telling you now that if you orgasm more frequently during sex, you will want to have sex more often. Do what you need to to have an orgasm every time you have sex. Obviously, being in the mindset from talking about it throughout the day, and clearing your mind of distractions during the act will help with this, but if you need to add some toys or manual stimulation to help you reach that point, then I am all for it! Anything you are both comfortable with, in my opinion, is perfectly ok in your marriage bed. I will add the caveat here that I do not agree with adding other people, or porn to your marriage bed. These things are demeaning to others and will only cause problems in your marriage.
Pick one of these to start using this week and see what it does for you and your partner. Gradually add on more as you are comfortable. You will be surprised at what this will do for your relationship and sex life. Let me know what you did and how it worked for you!